CHARLOTTE — The Holy Spirit is in charge so any good deacon and his wife will humbly and prayerfully follow His Will in whatever they do, modeling the example set by the Blessed Virgin Mary.
That’s one of the lessons the Witulskis have followed throughout their marriage and their ministry to the Church.
Deacon James and Mary Witulski have served at St. Thomas Aquinas Church in Charlotte for the past eight years. While Deacon James Witulski recently celebrated his 15th-year anniversary of his ordination, he is very happy that he was incardinated in 2015 (in which he officially became a deacon of the Diocese of Charlotte).
Deacon Witulski entered diaconate formation at the age of 47, relying upon God’s providence to work out the challenges. He and Mary had two college-aged children, and was working full-time. He was also volunteering in his home parish, serving on a church committee that assisted people in financial need. He was also a lector at daily and Sunday Mass, volunteered at a mission that served the homeless, and served the dying at a hospice.
“Having to balance roles of husband, father, full-time employee and student along with deepening my prayer and spiritual life” was a challenge, he describes. “Although being pulled in various directions can be challenging, it is the prayer life that keeps one focused and grants the grace to manage one’s commitments.”
“I remember my spiritual advisor, a holy priest telling me, ‘If they accept you into the Diaconate Formation Program, it’s Our Lady.’ Then four years later, he said, ‘If they ordain you, it’s Our Lady.’ Therefore, I recognize that it is Our Blessed Mother who has guided and protected me in my formation and in my life as an ordained deacon.”
Deacon Witulski served at St. Stanislaus Kostka Church after his ordination in 2004 for the Diocese of Rochester, N.Y. Masses were offered in English, Polish and Latin.
The Witulskis value their Polish heritage, and they brought that love for all things Polish to Charlotte when they moved here in 2011.
“Our Lady of Czestochowa, patroness of Poland, St. John Paul II and St. Maria Faustina Kowalska and the Divine Mercy devotion have a special place in our hearts,” Deacon Witulski says. “For the past seven years we have organized a Polish Mass in honor of Our Lady and these saints at St. Thomas Aquinas Church. These Masses have been attended by as many as 600 of the faithful.”
They also organize other Polish devotions such as the Blessings of the Easter Baskets or “Swieconka” on Holy Saturday.
Moving to Charlotte was a blessing, Deacon Witulski says, and another sign of the Holy Spirit at work.
“Mary was born in Kinston, a small city in rural eastern North Carolina but moved to Utica, N.Y., when she was 10 years old. She had fond memories of the South and on our visits to North Carolina, she always expressed a desire to return someday. I said, ‘Mary, let me know when you want to move.’ Mary replied with a smile, ‘I am ready now.’
“On Jan. 15, 2011, I drove to Albemarle, to my small, unfurnished apartment, while Mary remained up north while trying to sell our house in the midst of a recession. In October 2011, our house in Rochester was sold and we purchased a house in Union County.”
After first moving to the area, Deacon Witulski served Masses for Father Peter Fitzgibbons at Our Lady of the Annunciation Church in Albemarle. In March 2011, Bishop Peter Jugis assigned him to serve at St. Thomas Aquinas Church, where he has ministered since.
“Mary and I feel truly blessed to reside and serve in the Diocese of Charlotte,” Deacon Witulski says.
Besides their work in fostering Polish Catholic devotions at their parish, the Witulskis are active in a variety of other diaconal ministries.
“As a youth, I remember thinking that if I could bring one person to Christ and His Church, my life would be worthwhile. Therefore, I am humbled and honored to have the opportunity to bring souls to Our Master,” Deacon Witulski says.
“The typical ministries of a parish deacon are amazing blessings in themselves – such as performing baptisms, marriages, funerals and preaching. However, performing these sacraments for my children, grandchildren, parents, other family members and friends has been especially moving and has touched my heart.”
He adds, “I believe the Holy Spirit inspires any deacon to serve in new and various ways. Therefore, over the years I have been called to lead a Divine Mercy Holy Hour on First Fridays, lead a men’s retreat, work with young couples in preparation for marriage, which has given me great hope in our youth and the future of our Church, meet with couples needing spiritual guidance and to be open to where I am being led to serve.”
After a Mass that was celebrated in Polish, Deacon James Witulski (left) and Mary Witulski (third from left) lead a procession of relics of the three Apostles of Divine Mercy – St. John Paul II, St. Maria Faustina Kowalska and Blessed Father Michael Sopocko, the spiritual advisor and confessor of St. Faustina – at St. Thomas Aquinas Church in 2018. (Doreen Sugierski | Catholic News Herald)In 2014, Deacon Witulski was assigned as Liaison for Catholic Jail Ministry for the Mecklenburg County, with the charter to create a Catholic presence in the jails. He has been guided by the Holy Spirit and the Blessed Mother, he says, and greatly aided by his pastor Father Patrick Winslow and the leaders of the Permanent Diaconate program, first the late Deacon Ron Steinkamp and now Deacon John Martino.
“This jail ministry has brought forth much spiritual fruit,” he says. “Without going into much detail, I personally meet with male and female inmates of all faiths. I also have formed a brotherhood of 28 solid Catholic volunteers I send to the jails. They are to see the face of Christ in each inmate that they meet. Their mission is to ‘teach hope’ and to tell each inmate that no sin is greater than the mercy of God if one repents.”
“While we don’t proselytize, two inmates after our instruction and guidance have entered the Catholic faith. This brought me great joy because I remember as a youth thinking, ‘If I can bring one soul to Christ and His Church, my life is worthwhile.’ Their entrance into the Church has brought tears to my eyes. This is the beauty of the gift of the diaconate.”
“God has plans for us that we can never imagine,” Deacon Witulski emphasizes. “These opportunities to serve Our Master and every person whom He loves would not be possible for me personally without being blessed as an ordained deacon in His Church.”
The diaconate has strengthened the Witulskis’ marriage, as well.
“My wife Mary and I both believe that our faith has been strengthened as we are surrounded by faith-filled people who have shared their personal stories and struggles. By us lending a caring and listening ear and by meeting people where they are at, we have experienced where the Holy Spirit has used us to spread the message of Christ’s love, hope and mercy to those around us.”
Mary Witulski says she has been drawn to a more active role and participation in events and devotional practices in the Church, especially praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet on First Fridays, participating in the diocese’s Eucharistic Congress, monthly Our Lady of Fatima processions at the parish, and talks and retreats alongside her husband.
“My involvement in the Church encouraged her to venture out of her own comfort zone,” Deacon Witulski adds. “Although she does not consider herself as someone who is prone to volunteer, nonetheless she taught and prepared children for first confession and Holy Communion for five years in our previous home parish of St. Stanislaus Kostka Church in Rochester. She also became an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion and lector and continues as a reader at St. Thomas Aquinas. She has served as the Polish Tent Coordinator at the annual World Feast Celebration held at St. Thomas Aquinas, which celebrates and showcases the various cultural backgrounds of the parishioners. Mary also reached out to the Polish community of Charlotte and obtained a Polish choir and helps organize our annual Polish Mass and reception held each August at St. Thomas Aquinas.”
Mary Witulski feels she has met and made many new friends through her husband’s diaconate ministry.
“These friendships have enriched our lives as we share a strong bond in our Catholic faith,” she says.
Mary shared there are challenges in being married to a deacon, especially when a deacon still works full-time and also tries to fulfill his many responsibilities in service to the Church. Nonetheless, she strongly feels that the blessings of being a deacon’s wife far outweigh the struggles.
“While we don’t spend every moment together, we serve the Church as a couple where we can,” Deacon Witulski says. “We do many faith-related activities together, which in turn enhances our marriage. We also participate in many enjoyable secular activities such as dancing, but the core and foundation of our marriage is our faith. My faith has deepened because of Mary’s solid Catholic faith and she has shared the same about me.”
What advice do they have for couples who may be discerning this vocation and service to the Church?
“First of all, it is important to remember that through the Holy Spirit, there are many ways to serve God and His Church. There is one Spirit and many gifts, but some men are called to a ministry of service through being ordained as a deacon. When a deacon is ordained, he receives an imprint or ‘character’ upon his soul which cannot be removed. I have experienced this personally because as I reflect upon my ordained life, the Holy Spirit has led me to serve others in many ways I had not thought possible. This is no accomplishment of mine because I am a sinful man, but it is the work of the Holy Spirit as He promised that day I was ordained 15 years ago.
“Therefore, if any man is reading this article and has heard the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit to consider life as an ordained deacon, I encourage him and his wife to prayerfully discern this gentle urging.”
Wives of deacons: Ordinary women, extraordinary lives
The unsung hero of a married man who is called to the diaconate is the wife of the permanent deacon. We sometimes lose sight of the role she plays both within the family and as part of the ministry of her deacon husband.
It is worth the time to reflect on her calling to be the wife, the mother, and the woman behind the deacon. In journeying with her husband, through formation and as an ordained deacon, she shares in the joys, sorrows, challenges and blessings of diaconate life within the vocation of married life.
As stated in “The Deacon Wife’s Prayer,” when she says “yes” to her husband being ordained a deacon, she says “yes” to supporting and sharing him with those he is called to serve. In prayer she seeks God. Through God, the wife seeks help in understanding her own gifts, and in how the Lord is calling her to use those gifts within her family and in her own calling to love and serve others as Jesus did.
As we see within our own deacon couple community, there is a realization that there is no single model or role that a wife follows. Each wife must determine through prayer and reflection what her response to her husband’s role as a deacon is going to be.
Circumstances are always different for each couple and the needs of their families. At times, a wife is already quite active in formal ministry before her husband ever becomes a deacon. In other cases, a wife is drawn into a form of team ministry with her husband. While in still others, the wife chooses not to exercise any sort of public ministry.
In every case the deacon couple – husband and wife – find their own unique response to the diaconate in their lives. With prayer, God calls married couples to a life of diaconal service rewarding to husband, wife and family.
— Deacon John Martino. Excerpts included from USCCB Publication No. 5-617.
Related story: Deacons and their wives reflect on service to the Church
The Deacon Wife’s Prayer
Lord, I said “yes” when my husband was ordained a deacon. The “yes” meant my support, my love, my sharing him as he serves our brothers and sisters. Thank you for our marriage and our life together. I ask for Your help in my supporting him in his service to others as a deacon. I know You love me, Lord, as Your unique creation. You have gifted me in many ways. Help me to know my gifts and to use them wherever You desire – within my family circle, and in this world when I am called to love and serve others as Jesus did.
Amen.