A time to mourn ... a time to love
CHARLOTTE — Two years after her son’s death Vivian Carr still aches with grief, but memories of him and the birth of his son have brought her family closer to each other and to God.
Justin Carr, 26, was shot in the head during a week of protests in Charlotte following the police shooting death of Keith Lamont Scott in September 2016. Besides his mother, he left behind a pregnant fiancée, two brothers and an aunt, as well as an extended family and friends at Our Lady of Consolation Church in Charlotte.
Rayquan Borum was charged in Carr’s death, accused of firing a weapon as demonstrators including Carr marched outside the Omni Hotel. He has pleaded not guilty, and his trial is set to begin Dec. 3.
The Catholic News Herald sat down to talk with Carr’s mother last week to see how the family is coping through their loss.
CNH: Justin’s fiancée, Tenae, was pregnant when Justin passed away. How is she doing, and how is little Justin?
Carr: When Justin found out he was having a boy, he cried. Little Justin is his only child. Little Justin reminds me so much of Justin because he is so mischievous and busy. They’re both active, both daredevils. Baby Justin is only a kid, but he likes to jumps and climbs on everything. My Justin was real adventurous and little Justin jumps, runs, climbs – he is just a rough little boy. They have the same eyes; when I look in his eyes I see his dad. Sometimes the way he looks at me with those eyes, it is like my son is talking to me. I will say, “Justin, is that you talking?”
Little Justin knows how his dad looks from pictures. Every time he sees a picture, even if it is on a keychain, he says, “Dada.” My Justin always wore dreads. People around the neighborhood, they’d call him “Black Jesus.” Tanae isn’t cutting little Justin’s hair because he is going to have dreads just like his daddy. I lost an angel but gained another with baby Justin.
Justin’s old bedroom is the nursery for my grandkids. I have Justin’s old clothes and his picture on the wall. I have a hope box my cousin gave me. I keep keepsakes in there, in the room. I have Justin’s jersey and his basketball. Justin loved the Panthers.
Tanae and I cope together, pray together and cry together. Sometimes when she is having a bad day, she will call me and I will pray with her, try to turn it around. Tanae and Justin were high school sweethearts. They were off and on but were together for three years over this last run. They started dating when they were 15. She has been having a hard time but she has gotten very close to her family. She is part of our family now.
CNH: What was Justin like?
Carr: Coming up with Justin, he was this tiny little boy that used to aggravate people because he liked to play and pick a lot. His brother looked out for him. Justin was the baby boy, but in the end when they got to be adults the tables turned and he became like a big brother, too. He was the motivator of everything. If someone got a new job, he would say, “It’s because of me.” Everything, “it was because of me, I helped you do that.” He was a motivator for his circle of friends and family, and pretty funny, too. All the stuff I used to tell him coming up he would turn around on me and say, “Mama, you know what you told us: Always trust God if you are having a bad day.” He always believed in God.
We have a large family so we don’t get to see everyone very often. My cousin has a large cookout every year. Justin attended the last one with his family two weeks before he died. It was on Labor Day weekend. Justin loved chicken and rice with gravy. He loved sweets.
Justin was a truck driver who wanted to own his own fleet of trucks. That was the plan. My nephew got his CDL, then Justin, and my middle son was supposed to get his. They were all going to get some money to buy trucks. My oldest was going to do the financial business part. Now that Justin is gone, my nephew has already bought his truck. My middle (son) got his CDL and is driving trucks. It made me feel good. When I went to Justin’s job to turn in the keys, they spoke so well of him. They said many drivers are nasty but Justin had a real good attitude and was always pleasant. They threw a big baby shower for little Justin.
CNH: Have you felt any spiritual signs since Justin’s passing?
Carr: Well, I can feel Justin’s presence, especially when I am at home. It’s a good, peaceful feeling when Justin is present. But I haven’t had him come back to visit me or any of that. I haven’t even had a dream about him, in two years. Not even a dream with him in it. I want one. This may sound weird, but I wish for him to come visit me, just maybe have a dream with something from him. I have had people come to me and say they’ve had dreams about Justin, but I haven’t had any.
CNH: Several videos have been released on social media, and the case regarding Justin Carr has created a lot of comments. Are you comfortable with the attention, and did you have to give your permission for the videos to be released?
Carr: No, they (the police) released them. I didn’t have to give permission. They were released without it. I didn’t feel comfortable with the release. I have had hundreds of people hit me on Facebook Messenger with videos. People that were down there. I never actually looked at the videos. Some people said they had evidence and I would want to see them. I don’t know if they have gone to the police with the videos or not. But social media has been negative. I went on the CNN website – this guy had me and my son on there, he was pointing out that we were “actors.” He claimed that it didn’t really happen, we were just actors for CNN. If I had one thing to say to social media it would be, “Stop the negativity.”
CNH: Do you think the police acted appropriately during the riots?
Carr: No. I didn’t even like the way they treated me when I got to the hospital. When I got the call from my oldest son and got to the hospital, they put me in this room by myself. They treated me like I did something bad. They didn’t tell me what was going on. They asked to see my ID and then they were asking questions about Justin, like he had done something wrong. Meanwhile, my son was in there, and I was trapped in this room for 45 minutes before someone even came.
CNH: Has Rayquan Borum apologized to you in anyway? What would justice look like to you?
Carr: No, It wouldn’t mean anything to me if he did. I looked at him in the eye in court, but it was just like nothing. He says he didn’t do it. He was about 22 when it happened. I never seen his parents. I just want justice to be served. I think no matter how much time he serves, it will always be in his mind. I believe in karma so I just let God handle. I forgive him, I forgave him. That is what I used to tell my sons, “Think about your actions because you are not only affecting your family, it is someone else’s family, too." He has a daughter – now there are two kids without a father. It is hard trying to forgive him, but you have to. I don’t believe in the death penalty.
CNH: Are you going to attend the court hearing?
Carr: Dec. 3 is the first court hearing and I plan to attend every day. I have saved all my vacation time for the hearings. Not a good month – it’s Christmas time. The day I viewed the first video, it was the day before Thanksgiving. Something else came up right around Christmas time. The people at my job have been extremely supportive. Even the members of the church ask about the court date.
CNH: What has your church meant to you?
Carr: We were raised here and even went to school here. We were baptized into this church, in the 1960s. My mom was coming here since 1958. OLC started on Oaklawn and then moved here. My whole entire family – cousins, aunts, uncles – we used to all sing in the choir. Some of our family have left, but this will always be our home. This is our church. My bond at OLC has always been strong.
CNH: How has your relationship with God change since Justin’s passing?
Carr: I have gotten closer to God through my son’s passing. I have never asked God why this had to happen to me. I have never questioned God about this. The passing has brought me and my boys closer to God. I was waiting on the anger; a lot of my co-workers gave me books about dealing and coping with death and how anger was going to come. I was never angry at God – no, no, no. I understand death and we all have to go sometimes. I never, I never got angry at God. I just have to trust Him when going through something like this. You got to rely on God. You have to remain close to God. I have a friend who was there with me in the hospital the whole time. She just lost her son, too. His name was Justin and it was her baby boy. She calls me a lot to get advice. I have my time with God. I do my spiritual readings and I have time.
— Lisa Geraci, correspondent