Last year when my son received the sacrament of confession for the first time, my husband and I heard other parents talking about their plans to “make it special” with a dinner out, dessert or a gift.
My first thought was, “Of course! We want this day to make a really big impression! I should be doing more to make it stand out.” And I do think we ended up celebrating with dessert and a small, handmade gift. But what surprised me was the follow-up my son requested to his big day. As we walked out of the church, he said, “So, when are we going to confession again? Next week?”
As parents, we put so much effort into checking off the boxes necessary for our children to receive the sacraments that it’s easy to lose sight of what’s really happening. The sacraments are not a rite of passage, cultural ritual or graduation. They are the way God has arranged to infuse His very Life into ours. The sacraments give us the graces necessary to live the Christian life with greater courage, peace and union with the will of God. They open heaven for us. Isn’t that everything we want for our children?
For those sacraments truly to take hold in our children’s lives, parents have a unique ability and responsibility to cultivate the sacramental life of their children. Infinite graces are available with each sacrament, but we only receive those graces if we are open to them. As a former youth minister and a mother in our vibrant parish community, I have witnessed that the long-term effects of religious preparation for the sacraments pales in comparison to the effects of parental encouragement after the sacraments have been received, especially for reconciliation, first Holy Eucharist and confirmation.
Before my son’s first reconciliation, to be honest, my family went to confession when it was convenient – which is a gentle way of saying not frequently enough at all. Nap times, sports and activities and the general exhaustion of parenting four active children made every evening and weekend a challenge. But seeing the grace of confession anew through my son’s eyes helped recall us to our duty. We began going quarterly and then planning a monthly time to go in sync with the First Saturdays devotion. The spiritual fruits manifest in our family have only increased. The sacrifices to make confession a priority are worth it (even when the devil tries to thwart our plans). Not only do we have the strength needed to return to the family determined and fortified to avoid our habitual faults, but we also know that the other members of our family are similarly disposed. It’s easier to forgive someone’s impatience when you know they are working on it. Some other ways to follow up on the sacrament of reconciliation are to take time for an examination of conscience and Act of Contrition with your child each night before bed. While not equal to the sacrament of confession, this practice prepares our hearts for the sacrament and aids spiritual growth. My son and I also have sat down in prayer before God after a disagreement to apologize for our tempers and to ask God to help us find a solution. Humility doesn’t undermine parental authority; a constant desire to improve reinforces what good leadership looks like.
Similarly, after my son’s first Holy Communion, his enthusiasm propelled us into new habits of love towards our Eucharistic Lord. He wants to sit further up front in Mass, so he can understand. Now he’s learning to serve on the altar. We try to make more frequent visits to the church for a quick prayer or to an Adoration chapel in our town. We’ve begun to talk about ways we can add more daily Masses into our schedule this summer. My younger daughter has watched all this eagerly knowing her first Holy Communion is right around the corner. I taught her how to make a spiritual Communion, in the meantime, to prepare her heart for Christ.
Confirmation may seem like a “one and done” sacrament, but the more a teen is encouraged to lay claim to the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the more he will learn to embrace the faith as his own. As a high school teacher and youth minister, I saw ambivalent teens transformed when they were called to witness to their faith. Perhaps, it was a family trip to the March for Life in Washington, D.C. Maybe their family invited a neighbor to church one Sunday, or a classmate posed questions about the faith. When the parents were open to these opportunities to witness and supported their teen through any awkwardness or even persecution that resulted from them, the teens more readily accepted their role as soldiers of God and as ministers of truth and kindness to a broken world.
Magazines splatter promises across their covers for 10 steps to mindfulness, self-realization, meditation, relationship success or parenting prowess. But apart from God our Creator, these searches become narcissistic. Powered by our limited strength, we fall short of any photo-edited or Instagram-curated ideal. However, the promises of God’s grace offered through the sacraments can transform our homes and families into loving communities where we live, work, pray, succeed, fail and try again – all fueled by the supernatural help of God. He desires to live among us, if we will only invite Him.
Kelly Henson is a Catholic writer and speaker who explores the art of integrating faith into daily life. She, her husband and their four children are parishioners of Our Lady of Grace Parish in Greensboro, and she has worked for more than 15 years with teens, children and families as a missionary, youth minister and teacher. She blogs at www.kellyjhenson.com.